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Sep 24, 2012

A Whisper for Autumn

I was a giggle short of being giddy this weekend when I looked down at my calendar and saw that we are officially in the autumn season. It's truly my favorite time of year. I feel most inspired by life when the first hint of cool weather rolls in. It gives me the boost I need to finish up the year well.

And this year, I really needed a good boost.

Let me tell you about it.

About a month ago, I was ready to throw in the towel on this whole stay-at-home mom gig. Not only was I experiencing overwhelming feelings of inadequacy, but I was desperately seeking a little peace and quiet in my day. And although I have a super-supportive husband and family, the bulk of the parenting responsibilities were laying heavy on my shoulders. The daily battles and frustrations of life with a preschooler and a toddler seemed to be escalating, while my mental and emotional states were plummeting.

I searched for the nearest escape route.

And I made a rash decision...

...to sign Silas up for preschool 30 minutes away from home for 3 hours per day, 2 days per week. 

I didn't pray about it.

I just decided.

On my own.

And I don't think it was a bad decision. In fact, for another mom it may have been the best possible decision.

But for me, it wasn't.

See, I was so caught up in the idea of getting a break from my preschooler that I didn't even care that the toddler and I would be wandering around a town 30 minutes away from home 3 hours per day, 2 days per week. I mean, I cared, but it seemed like such a small pay off... to be away from my preschooler. Forget socialization and education, what I really wanted was for someone else to deal with my kid for a few hours per week!

There.

I said it.

I was sending him away for me. To make life easier (or so I thought) on me.

And the more those thoughts settled in my mind, the less they settled in my soul.

Something inside of me (hello, Holy Spirit) began whispering, "Beth, you're just getting started on this journey called motherhood." The soft whisper made it very clear, "Just give it some time, and you will discover something special... something new... just around the bend. Trust me."

"It's not the right time," He said.

So before the first day of preschool ever rolled around, I pulled my sweet 3.5 year-old out of preschool.

And it was a little embarrassing, considering I had passionately made my case for preschool to many of my friends and family.

But obedience was more important than saving face.

Mommy, Teach Me by Barbara Curtis
And instead of looking for ways to separate from my preschooler, I've been looking for ways for us to connect.

And he's been noticing.

And he's been responding positively.

And I think this Fall will be a good one. 
 
P.S. I don't tell this story to make a case for or against preschool. In fact, this post was not even about preschool. It was about a choice to obey.

I tell this story because it's part of my personal mom journey. It's part of who I am becoming. It was a decision that I wrestled with and heard from God about. And as insignificant as it may seem, it was a decision that I believe will change the dynamics of our family this year. So I thought it was worth documenting. 

If anything, I hope it will encourage you to be confident in the plans that God has for your own family and to listen to His whispers when the going gets tough. His plans are always better.

 

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